ageing is a privilege, despite what kris jenner might think

“Ageing is an extraordinary process where you become the person you should have always been.”

“Ageing is an extraordinary process where you become the person you should have always been.”

David Bowie said that, and of course he did. He had a hot take on everything - even leaving us with “David’s dead” in his passing, now immortalised as the most iconic TV moment of all time. And that’s coming from someone who watches the Real Housewives.

Bowie aged with grace, or at least that’s how it looked through the screen. But given he didn’t run for office or launch a skincare line, that’s good enough for me.

As someone in her early thirties, there’s only so much I can say about ageing, for I am a mere spring chicken in this life. Yet here are people my age talking like it’s all over. Shame on you, media, for letting us think our best years are behind us. I know boomers give it a bad rep, but ageing is cool.

The older I get, the more I come to know myself and what (or who) I want out of life, and that in itself is a luxury. The luxury of self-discovery, which our parents didn’t always have. Being “positively selfish” as the influencers say, is a new-age privilege that even now, not everyone gets to experience.

I know I’m one of the lucky ones, and chances are you are too. I’m sitting in the comfort of my home, writing this, and you’re wherever you are, reading. Not dodging missiles in Gaza or queuing for food in Sudan. It’s not like you don’t have to look far to see poverty these days. It’s right here on our doorstep, in the UK, the US, and New Zealand too.

What’s meant to trickle is barely dripping, and still, it’s not the people struggling who are complaining. They don’t have the time. It’s the ones with every blessing who think a smile line is something to frown about.

Bowie left us just as the world was shapeshifting into a more filtered version of itself. A version within a version of itself. A direction, in part curated by the queen of selfies, Miss Kimberly Kardashian. She calls ageing “tragic” while selling us potions that promise to reverse time. She lets us believe that her products have come to her rescue, not what her wealth affords her.

Take her mom’s face, for example. The matriarchal Kris Jenner unveiled her new facade recently and while it didn’t break the internet, it did break our spirit. Did Kris jump aboard the Ozempic train in an attempt to keep up with the Kardashians, or is Lemme Debloat just that good? I fear we all know the answer to that one, sorry Kourt.

Along with her shrink in size, every line that once told a story on her face vanished, quicker than Oxi Action. Kris’ transformation became a miracle only money can buy. I mean, it wasn’t SKKN by Kim keeping her young. Lord knows we’d hear about it if it was.

Kris has confirmed that to her, ageing gracefully means pretending not to age at all. A Hollywood mindset if you will. One we’ve seen play out with the likes of Demi Moore, Jennifer Aniston, and Donatella Versace. Beauties who felt pressured to trap their beauty in time. Beauties who were made to feel like the beast if and when surgeries went awry. Beauties who were beautiful enough to begin with.

All the celebrities that sprung to mind here are white, which made me wonder if this symbiotic relationship with plastic surgeons is a white people thing? I couldn’t think of any person of colour who had done the same, until I remembered Michael Jackson. Gone but not completely forgotten. And definitely not a pedo.

For the most part, when it comes to ageing well, us dark skinned folk have the upper hand. White people have the system, and we have our genetics. But leave it to Kris, Kim and their girlies to monetise off a standard even they can’t meet. It’s true what they say…

The devil works hard, but Kris Jenner works harder. And Kim, you’re doing amazing sweetie.

Kim, Kris and their 1 per cent posse are the mirror of our moment. We’re in the age of bullshit. We’re fed shit we don’t need, so we buy shit we can’t afford, to distract ourselves from the real bullshit that is the system. A system that relies on us acting like flies on shit, so they can commit crimes in our name. It’s bullshit.

This system wants us to pay to fix our ageing. An otherwise natural and “extraordinary” process we’re designed to do. Instead, we complain about it, while others fight to live.

So next time you spot a wrinkle or see a silver hair, take it for what it is. A symbol of your growth in life on Earth, and how cool is that? You used to hate olives and now you love them! All because you had another chance to get to know yourself and gained more time with the people you love, more time to eat more olives!

It was only last year that Blake Lively was the internet’s darling and Brooklyn Beckham was a chef. A reminder that a lot can change in a year, so embrace it. My fiance has a tattoo which reads “embrace change”, which I always laughed at for obvious reasons. But now, the joke’s on me.

So if you're lucky enough to age, enjoy it! Eat your words. Chew the fat. Loudly. Softly. Gratefully. But don’t complain about it. Ew. That’s a waste of precious time.

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Who wrote this?

I'm Aniqah, pronounced a-knee-car. A disciple of pop culture and critic of the political shit show that governs our lives. Yikes. If I sound like I'm speaking your language, check out my Substack, Aniqah in the ether. We've got lots to discuss.