am i unconfident or am i just thinking about myself too much?
honestly? thinking about myself less sounds like a holiday
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Am I unconfident or am I just thinking about myself too much?
Jemima Kirke thinks I might be thinking about myself too much, and I think I agree. In an Instagram story, long expired but circulated elsewhere (including on shit you should care about), Kirke responded to a question about ‘unconfident’ women with, “I think you guys might be thinking about yourselves too much.” This response generated some heat, taken as either a sardonic Jessa-ism or outright victim blaming, but whatever way I slice it, I can’t find a way to make it personally untrue.
‘symptoms of low estrogen’
‘teeth whitening cavities’
‘when to have caffeine in the morning’
My most recent Google searches are a damning indictment of my present neuroses and, probably, employment status. I’m a SINK (single income no kids), I have a flexible occupation, live rurally, no pets, no babies and no partner. In other words: I’m the ideal target market for an Oura ring. Caring for myself is, bluntly put, my number one priority and in spite of all the time I have for myself, I’ve never felt so lacking.
Self-optimisation is marketed to us constantly. We’re advised to measure sleep, consume fifteen billion ‘essential’ vitamins before breakfast, have a ten-step beauty regime, put ourselves first and practice consistent introspection. We’re tending to every molecule in the name of self-care and, contrary to its aim, it might be making us sick; fixated on our own physical and mental perfection. This doesn’t necessarily equate to vanity, ala Narcissus, nor should it personal blame, because self-optimisation is actively encouraging us to seek areas in which we’re lacking (and maybe suggest a product/service to rectify them). I question whether it’s worth the anxiety of self-examination to ‘thrive’ when I could just survive instead, albeit looking more haggard.
As a woman, who has friends with children - and full-time jobs no less, I feel like the skies might open up and smite me for complaining about having too much me-time. Though I do lack confidence, and this could be because I simply have the time to scrutinise myself (that, and a few personal setbacks a therapist might probe at). Not tending to immediate needs outside of my own allows me time to ruminate, and the increasing expectation to live our best main-character lives only adds to this analysis paralysis. If I’m concerning myself with optimisation, I’d wager there’s an optimal amount of personal compromise I can make to stop my brain from literally eating itself.
Did I think it wise for Kirke to imply selfishness is the reason for a woman’s low self-esteem? Not really, especially if it gets into the wrong hands. But dammit, if it didn’t ring just a little true. Self-absorption is as likely to be a sign of insecurity than it is of confidence – notice how mental health concerns spiked with the advent of front facing cameras. Humankind just isn’t designed to live in a vacuum. Concerning ourselves with others is healthy for the mind and honestly, thinking about myself less sounds like a holiday.
who wrote this?
Maggie Jean is a Kabi Kabi-based artist and writer who hyperfixates on creativity and culture. In her short career she's written for national magazines and can't quite believe people have let her adult like this. You can stalk her at @discontentnewsletter, an 'art herstory' rag that's part pisstake and fully serious.
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