funny like a man

or how women are expected to be charming first, funny second

There’s a certain kind of man in comedy who thrives on being a little… gross. A little rude. Aloof. Off-putting, even. He slouches into the scene, beer in hand, maybe a little sweaty, definitely not emotionally available, and somehow— somehow — we love him for it. Think Bill Murray in Stripes, John Belushi in Animal House, or pretty much any guy Judd Apatow’s ever handed a script to. He’s witty, weirdly sexy, and often times the heel to the villain, a la Mike Myers in Wayne’s World. The “lovable asshole” archetype is comedy gold.

It’s a shame women don’t get that pass.

When a man is chaotic and self-centred on screen, it’s “comedic genius.” Remember how Zach Galifianakis stole the show in The Hangover with his short, chubby, and over-the-top character? When a woman tries the same thing? She’s a bitch. She’s ugly. She’s “unbecoming.” Or worse, she’s “cringe.”

Comedy, like everything else, has its gendered double standards. Men have been given decades of cultural permission to be messy, irreverent, and straight-up offensive — and still get the girl by the end credits. Austin Powers may be the best example of this. He is a caricature, of course, but part of the comedy revolves around his bad British teeth, his love of sex, and (the movie as a whole) laughs at his ability to be wildly off-putting while still getting the girl and saving the world. Women, on the other hand, are expected to make you laugh and be hot, relatable, likable, quirky-but-not-too-quirky, self-deprecating-but-not-sad. They have to package their comedy in a neat, palatable little box, complete with a wink that says, “Don’t worry, I know I’m being silly!”

Bill Murray can play the jaded, sarcastic loner who barely tries, and he’s an icon. But when Kristen Wiig plays a messy, depressed, and spiralling maid of honor in Bridesmaids, critics call her “unlikeable.” Amy Schumer’s Trainwreck character was slammed for being “too much.” Even Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s Fleabag had people debating whether she was “relatable” enough, despite literally creating one of the most brilliant comedic characters of our time.

Women in comedy walk a tightrope. Be bold, but not abrasive. Be weird, but not alienating. Be funny, but, God forbid, not too funny — you still need to be desirable. Men can be weird and wild and disgusting (hello, Jack Black eating nachos shirtless in Nacho Libre) and no one bats an eye. That’s the comedy sweet spot: where you can be both funny and obnoxious and still have the audience rooting for you.

*Full side note: I think this is also why TikTok saw the emergence of the gender-bent Nacho Libre Halloween costume. Women want to be weird and off-putting without it being tied to gender*

It’s not that women can’t be unlikable — it’s that the cost is higher. Think about it: when was the last time you saw a female comedian get away with the same kind of deadpan, “I-don’t-care-if-you-like-me” energy Bill Murray has been coasting on since 1979? You could argue possibly Melissa McCarthy, but even she has been bullied, ridiculed, and shamed for her character, her body, and her humor.

The industry still operates under this quiet, sexist rule that women must “earn” their spot on the stage by being charming first, funny second. The men? They can just show up.

But tides are shifting. We see it in comedians like Kate Berlant, who leans into absurdity without apology. In the dry, cutting humor of Aparna Nancherla. In Megan Stalter’s unhinged, chaotic characters. These women aren’t trying to be pretty or palatable — they’re just funny. Full stop.

Still, until women in comedy can be as off-putting, as chaotic, as undesirable as their male counterparts — and still be celebrated for it — there’s work to do. Because funny isn’t always clean, or cute, or easy to love. Sometimes, it’s messy. Sometimes, it’s loud. Sometimes, it’s Bill Murray in Caddyshack.

And women deserve that freedom too.

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who wrote this?

Allie is a blogger, niche interest collector, and artist. She likes to read, crochet, journal, write, and attend pole dance classes. When not in front of a screen, she can be found hiking with her dog, Luna.