we were told we could do it all, we couldn't

it feels like the most profitable business opportunity for women in 2024 is to cosplay being a homemaker. can we blame them?

It’s not uncommon on social media to hear exasperated and exhausted women talking about how they feel like they are failing at everything — both at work and at home. Passed up for a promotion and underpaid compared to their male counterparts, while unable to spend enough time with their children or stay on top of their household responsibilities. While careers and financial independence were once sold as "freedom" from domesticity, they are increasingly being seen as a prison of their own. It was a trap. We're now spread thinner than ever before.

The literal cost of existing as a woman in modern society has grown considerably. What might have been relegated to the uber-rich or celebrities — regular spray tans, lash extensions, botox, filler…the list goes on and on — are becoming necessary to live up to contemporary beauty standards. A recent article for Refinery29 detailed how women are racking up thousands of dollars in credit card debt in order to get Botox and filler. According to a survey of 900 salons by beauty booking software Pamperbook, UK women are spending an average of over £1,000 per month on nails, hair and aesthetic treatments such as facials and injectables.

How are we supposed to afford this?

In response, it seems that women are finding new ways to capitalize on the growing physical, mental and financial burden of their feminine labor. Call it a fifth wave feminist take on the 1950s housewife. 

The “sprinkle sprinkle” movement on TikTok features viral clips from Youtube personality and dating coach SheRaSeven, offering women lessons on the art of “leveling up” and hypergamy (i.e. marrying a man who makes a lot of money). While often controversial — her page features videos like “How to Get Your Man to Give You Money” — the crux of her advice taps into a growing frustration amongst modern women today that their feminine labor is not acknowledged. If I’ve spent excessive amounts of money and time prepping for a date, why shouldn’t he pay? She tells women not to put up with situations where their labor isn’t valued, and even more, encourages them to capitalize on it by going after wealthy men. This new wave of feminism seems to adopt a stance that if it’s not possible to change society’s patriarchal measures of value at large, you can make that change within your own relationships.

A similar shift can also be seen in the proliferation of the equally contentious stay-at-home girlfriends and tradwives on social media. Women like Emily Mariko, Hanna Nealman and Nara Smith are performing domestic labor online for their own profit. Mariko, who has a master's from Stanford and worked at Meta, has no doubt made a fortune from her typical ‘housewife’ content on TikTok. 

“There is no better argument for how wild the cultural context is around performing domestic labor online than the fact that Emily Mariko has that type of resume and Hanna Nealman went to Juliard,” says creator @caroclaireburkee in a viral video. “Some of the smartest women of our generation are using their minds to get pregnant, cook and share it in a curated manner online.” It seems that in 2024 the most profitable business opportunity for women is to cosplay being a homemaker. Can we blame them?

The concept of tradwives and the creators that promote these lifestyles have come under a lot of fire online. There’s the dependency angle that many argue —“he could leave you tomorrow and you’d have nothing.” Sure, but if the last year of widespread layoffs across tech and media have taught us anything, a company can do just the same to you. And with a gender-pay gap that hasn’t changed much in two decades, the traditional workforce can certainly seem less appealing.

If we have to suffer through a patriarchal late-stage capitalist system where any progress or independence can seem like an illusion, why not hack the system? Why not try and make something better for ourselves within those guardrails?

The argument could be made that not everyone has the privilege of capitalizing on their feminine labor. The concept of being a housewife has always been relegated to the luxury class, even in the 1950s, and it’s the same today in terms of performative domesticity. But a few creators are serving as a much needed salve to this hyper-fetishization of domestic chores. Creators like @dollartreedinners feature grocery shopping and cooking videos using just ingredients purchased at Dollar Tree or Dollar General. Sam (@shawtgal49) plainly refers to herself as a broke SAHM, and features similar domestic content and parenting videos. She is refreshingly honest about her family’s financial struggles, and has more recently spoken about how the brand sponsorships she has gotten due to her success on the platform have helped them greatly. Perhaps the value is not in the aestheticization of housework that many creators play into, but the portrayal of something that is a little more realistic — women, mothers and wives doing the best they can with what they have.   

“Look, I want women to get that bag but I hate that we have to do it like this” said one commenter on Burke’s video. It’s not fair to condemn these women for finally monetizing something that has so long gone unacknowledged and unpaid. We have to play the game to win, but the game isn’t exactly fair. Instead of blaming the tradwives, stay-at-home-girlfriends and “gold-diggers,” blame the system that continues to devalue female labor. 

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who wrote this?

Molly is a NYC based cultural strategist who helps big brands make sense of what's going on in culture today, and how it may evolve in the future. She is a writer at heart, and in her free time publishes just vibes which covers all things youth culture and social media trends. 

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